literally had 100 drinks last night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
