Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
