I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
