I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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