I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i out mim tonsoeep
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