he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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