You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
