some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
