Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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