lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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