At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would fuck him just for his dog
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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