If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
