He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
