What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
