..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
