i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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