the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
