you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
