This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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