PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
