I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
