life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
