Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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