I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Damn victory sex feels great
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