I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Even my vagina gasped.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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