I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
