I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
