hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
