Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
