I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
