YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
