oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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