Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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