wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
