I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
