if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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