dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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