She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
