He is like the real live version of the state fair..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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