It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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