i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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