at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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