So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
