when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
