my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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