He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
