he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
