How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
