these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
