Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
