Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
