Apparently you make a good broom.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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