meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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